Is it really tough love

I watched a video recently that disturbed me. It was sent to me via facebook inbox. what happened in this short clip was that this teenager had apparently lied and tried to portray himself as a gangster on facebook, so his uncle decided to get a belt, whip him and have him place it on his facebook wall for all to see. Now, this is, I am sure, humiliating for the teen.

Most folks justified it as tough love and that his uncle was saving a life and the boy would thank him.They also said how they had the same happen as children. I don't see it that way. Growing up, we did not have the internet, where every little detail of your life could be spread around the globe within minutes. The uncle had the right intentions, wrong execution.

What if it backfires? Most didn't think beyond the video. That boy has to go to school with those people. Its not news that bullying is at an all time high. What if he now becomes the bullies latest target? What if gets bullied so much he commits suicide? Its not that far of a thought. Suicide rates for black males between 18-24 are kinda high. What if he flips out and kills the uncle? This is not unheard o either. Kids seemingly laying in wait for their opportunity to pounce.

Tough love does not equate to humiliate your child. You also can't make a snap decision based on a minute clip of someones life. So many people were saying they bet he wouldn't do that again...how do you know. Things can change in the blink of an eye. Especially when someone feels wronged.

This really made me think about parent-child relations in the black community. So many parents say they beat their child's butt with pride. Really? Does the punishment it the crime? Has an alternative been tried? Do you realize the amount of resentment this can build up? Do you care?Are you trying to discipline, or just get your frustrations out? What are you really after?

Whatever your reasoning's are, I implore you to look at the situation as a whole. Not just by their action. Think about the best way to deal with it. A way they will learn, not just feel pain for a moment. You are the parent. You tell your child not to hit, yet you reserve the right to whip ass at all cost. This is fine, but don't forget when you were in their shoes and don't be surprised if one day they leave home and don't some back. Tough Love is making hard decisions that are for the betterment of one. Whipping your kid is just attempting to beat sense into them

To Whom It May Concern...

To whom it may concern, or more appropriately, those who aren't concerned

about the sad state affairs of our nation, culture, our childerns' future

you say it is of no consequence to you, for you will be gone

but you are the one who put the child in that situation all along

remember with me now. you were the one who chose to have sex rawback

more concerned with the feeling of a nut but didn't think about where that birthcontrol was at

it was you who chose to forgo prenatal care you who chose to ignore that womb and what was going on in there

it was your choice to hang with your boys and smoke that weed instead of coming up with what your child may need

it was your decision to not come around till that child was 2, never once thinknig of what he was going through

it was your choice to let him cry and take your hatred of his father out on him and wish he would die

you were the one who sold your WIC to buy you a bottle now your child has nothing in his bottle

you leave him to cry while you hang with your peeps who all talk about how much your child reeks

never once have you cleansed him a qucik flip of a wipe and hes done for the night

this child who soon becomes 5 and can speak whatever you teach

instead of saying his ABC's his first sentences are nigga and bitch please

he never sang the Itsy Bitsy Spider more like I told her to bust it open so I could come inside her

he can't count doesn't even know his numbers worries more about making it rain and clap like thunder

this child that goes to school with no preparation, then you say its because his teacher is caucasion

this child that gets suspended for fights because you said if they talk crazy to you knock out their lights

this child who has never been to another childs home to play because you never taught him how to behave day to day

this child who in 5 more years will become a victim of the block, forgoing school supplies for a glock

this child who will catch his first case, not because of his deeds, but taking an older thugs place

juvenile dentition will release him at 18 and he will return to the same scene

no real education or motivation to do anything worthwhile but you welcome him home with a smile

tell him about what he has missed and which niggas held him down and who didn't

ignorance flows from your lips to his ears and he will be back in the street life it appears

he goes out one night to right those wrongs and to your despair he never comes home

hes found lying in a ditch cold to the bone, lay there dying while you were talking on the phone

while you were keeping it real with your friends, those thugs, he was meeting his end

now you sit with tears streaming down your face screaming who would do this in the first place

never owning up to your part but deep inside you feel it in your heart

people will treat you like you did them, 'sorry bout his loss but thats on him"

you will bury your child and wonder how could no one care, but you said the same of others, to be fair

so when we will stop being selfish and do the best for our seeds or will you continue to glorify misdeeds

a circle of violence is not a circle to keep unbroken, these behaviors should be more thought provoking

unfortunately another minute has passed, somebodies childs' breath was their first and it was somebodies childs' last

Copyright 2010 Butterfli

Where's the love

I had someone say to me that as a black woman , I do not know my role. I found that odd because the person who says this was a black man, with two strikes, who does not pay a penny for his 4 children. I decided I would post my response to his ignorance
This is self-check 101 for men. In a world of many temptations it is apparently easy to stray away from morals and responsibilities. Its challenging elements in whatever direction you turn, especially as a man. There are many high standards for a man to live by. The standards being create by the ways of the world as it grows. A man is expected to be a provider, responsible, strong physically and mentally. Portray and live by all these standards while many stereotypes and elements are working against them. It takes a strong spiritual and disciplined man to stay on the correct track. But so many men get caught up in the world when the world needs to be stepped out of. There is always another side to a story, a negative and positive, an up and down, and right and wrong. Many men have let the world stray them away from what is important. In the black community there are many single mothers, mislead children, and the void of a correct representation of the black male, due to the lack of presence of the black man in the community. The black men are glorified as part of the crime world for the most part. And many get caught in the world wind of the worlds representation of black men. Dealers, sellers, hustlers, and users are the exhibit in the lower-class black neighborhoods. Dead-beat fathers as as well as unknown fathers are the story for many women and children. It makes you wonder if any integrity exists in these short comings of black men. But thats what redemption is all about. It is much needed in the black community and one of the greatest sources should be the black male. Our influence should be the top of the food chain. Black men are seen by their younger counterparts and are influenced. Why not show them all the positive necessities necessary for them through the rain of life? Be the model that a young black child needs growing up especially a child growing up less fortunate. Be a father to the child you created, dad is just a word, and this could be said in either way. What good is any success if you cannot pass it down to your own? What good is life as a so called man if you cannot stand honorable and loved amongst others? Retrieve the integrity, redemption is relevant.

Black women never “wanted” the role of head of the family; we were forced there because so many black men refused to take the reigns. No black woman truly wants to run the roost, she does it because she has to. She does it because he is not there to do so. And the independent attitude comes as a RESULT of the black men level of disrespect for the black women for decades. Black men do not and never have held their women to the same esteem as other races of men have their women. Black men don’t now, and never have protected their women, revered their women, as other races of men have their women. After this was done so much, black women got the picture that hey, i can’t lay down here and cry, i gotta pick myself up, and i got kids to take care of.

Their are so many singles female head of household families not because the woman refuses to submit to the authority of the black men, but because black women refuse to let the abuse of their minds, bodies, and spirits to be abused by black men. I’ve heard this argument before, and it’s usually from women who either are a part of, or close associate of the islamic culture. Black men somehow convince these women that they are the cause of the breakdown of the black family, even though for years, black men have revered white woman and think they are better, stepped out on black women making multiple babies outside of the marriage, some having whole families on the same block, refused to see our value, and refused to recognize our strength. It’s insane to think black women want to be single mothers, that we would rather be unmarried in order to avoid being submissive, that our thinking is so independent that we could never come together for the sake of family.

Most black women bend over backwards for their men, and even though they know their men are cheating and lying, they internalize it as their fault, and when he leaves, it’s their fault too. Most black women refused for years to date outside their race (thank god we finally wised up and dating outside our race), hoping and praying that black men would see their beauty and value. Most black women would lie in the faces of their parents, employers and best friends to save the reputation of their black man, even though they know he doing them wrong; they’d rather shoulder the hurt, pain, and dissappointment alone in the dark by themselves. And why, all for the sake of the love and respect of a black man. And what’s the payback for this loyalty? Black men in record numbers have deliberately sought out to make families with white women, they have abandoned their black female spouses and children because they simply don’t want to shoulder the responsibilities of fatherhood and being the head, especially when times get hard; they refuse to curtail their infidelity and continue to run all up and around town with the next willing female no matter her race, and they refuse to put us on that pedestal. Simply put, we are not, and never have been revered and truly valued by the black men, even going back to slavery days when we were sleeping with the white man so he wouldn’t hang or sell our children and men.

Black men have never wanted to admit their fault in the breakdown of the black family. They never thought black women would be strong enough to truly be independent because they knew, even along time ago, that black women are the least revered in society. They knew that black men were more “valued” then black women. Women as a whole were thought to be less valuable than men, and don’t have the nerve to be a black woman (you basically had no value, except being a sex object, breast feeder, or field worker). Black men never thought women would rise to the challenge of being a single independent mother, raise families by themselves, get a college education, and do it all by looking fierce as hell. For so many black men, this is threatening and they see it as usurping their authority.

The tables flipped and now they don’t know how to get back what they lost…oh well, we’ll leave that to them to figure out, since in my opinion, they are the ones that didn’t recognize a good thing when they had it.

If you are offended, maybe you want to take a look at yourself or those around you holla

Dark Days...is there always a rainbow at then end?

People always say after the storm comes brighter days. I have often wondered if that is true. I know many people who seem to go through storm after storm but are still waiting on that rainbow. What if it doesn't come? Then what? We have all heard the sayings..every cloud has a silver lining; out of the darkness comes the light etc..but what if it doesn't come?

Even the best of people go through trials and tribulations that cause them to question each and every thin in their life. Sometimes it is extremely frustrating to try to live a life being as good a person as you can be, while others tend to pull you into their storms or tread over you. It is often said that good guys finish last but I think good girls really do. In the times we live in being kind is over-rated. I myself have always been a kindhearted, giving person and I am really re-thinking that lifestyle as of right now. It is annoying when people try to take and take and take and never want to give. Or take you kindness for weakness. Never mind that God commands us to live as good kind beings. How can we say those words when the good are often the last place finishers in society. The child who bullies others at school are hailed as tough guys and heroes at home while the one who turns the other cheek is a punk, wuss or sissy. The one who kicks a homeless person is hilarious and non tolerant of beggars while the one who gives him food is soft and gullible. The child who is bullied comes back and shoots up his school..he is the one with problems but what about all the adults he told who ignored him and told him to toughen up? The person who is kind and tries to help everyone is stupid instead of being a good servant of God? Really?

Society sucks and I guess that's why it is controlled by people who suck... I just wish there was a little corner of it only for the good guys and girls

Evolution

Lets see. A lot of changes have occurred. New state, new city, new job, new environment. I am so grateful for the changes. I love my new city. I love my new job. I love the prospect of new opportunities in general. I see this as a real time to emerge as a new and better person. As they say out with the old and in with the new :D I cannot wait to get started. I have new friends that are closer to here that I look forward to meeting up with. New prospects in all areas.

My old friends, I will never forget them and I miss the times that we shared. I have many fond memories. I did lots of growing and maturing in the time I spent there. I truly believe it was all in preparation for my move here. I am speechless at some of the kind words that have been emailed, written or spoken. Truly humbled to have such great people in my life.

The little people..they are adjusting. Its hard on a kid to move, but glad it was done before the oldest started middle school. Those are friendships that can shape your future. All in all I know this was the right choice :)

Frantic Week

This past week has been a major blessing to all who were able to witness it. Whether you voted for him or not, watching Obama take his office was an amazing thing. More people are now aware of the avenues one must take to become president and the activities surrounding taking office. I hope all who participated have the patience to wait while Obama and his team try to fix this mess of an economy. He seems to be off to a good start
I am extremely proud that a person of color is in the white house for the first time. I am not overly optimistic that this will fix all the race issues America has. That starts at home with families. I have had various friends across the U.S. say that they are having issues in their cities with small anti-minority groups popping up. SMH. People need to grow up. As for how the Black community should take this....I don't know. I can not say that it will inspire instant unity and well wishes. The black community as a whole seems to be stuck in that Lynch theory. I refuse to participate in such small mindedness. Rather I hope this presidency is an inspiration to all races to try to better themselves because nothing can be gained or changed without an individual evolving.
I do not think this singal event signiies the fulillment of Martin Luther King Jr's dream. It is but a small step. I mean look at the cookies that bakery in New York was selling and the things the owner was saying. I think once people reach a point where they judge a person based on their personality, actions and words regardless of their race, we will have fulfilled Dr. Kings dream and we are far from that. ~be blessed~

So how did that superman thing work out for you son?

So....my son took a leap today believing he could fly~ He couldn't, as he soon learned. He hit the steps and got banged up. In spite of it all, through the tears I could see he was really happy. Odd. This was not his first "flight." Just one that had more severe consequences than the others *Sigh*..
It did get me to thinking about childrens' inherent need to fly. More so little boys than girls. They also will not accept 'no' for an answer..No matter how big of a 'fail' they will surely be out there again trying to fly.....Where does that ambition and drive go when we get to being adults? As adults some of us are determined and will keep trying until we get it others try once or twice and they are done..just give up. Where is their inner Superman? *uugh visual of someone in cape and tights that does not need to rock that* Just a thought...and more importantly why dont the boys take a clue from the girls and cut that out..its much easier on moms heart lol
~mztyfying1~
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