Where's the love

I had someone say to me that as a black woman , I do not know my role. I found that odd because the person who says this was a black man, with two strikes, who does not pay a penny for his 4 children. I decided I would post my response to his ignorance
This is self-check 101 for men. In a world of many temptations it is apparently easy to stray away from morals and responsibilities. Its challenging elements in whatever direction you turn, especially as a man. There are many high standards for a man to live by. The standards being create by the ways of the world as it grows. A man is expected to be a provider, responsible, strong physically and mentally. Portray and live by all these standards while many stereotypes and elements are working against them. It takes a strong spiritual and disciplined man to stay on the correct track. But so many men get caught up in the world when the world needs to be stepped out of. There is always another side to a story, a negative and positive, an up and down, and right and wrong. Many men have let the world stray them away from what is important. In the black community there are many single mothers, mislead children, and the void of a correct representation of the black male, due to the lack of presence of the black man in the community. The black men are glorified as part of the crime world for the most part. And many get caught in the world wind of the worlds representation of black men. Dealers, sellers, hustlers, and users are the exhibit in the lower-class black neighborhoods. Dead-beat fathers as as well as unknown fathers are the story for many women and children. It makes you wonder if any integrity exists in these short comings of black men. But thats what redemption is all about. It is much needed in the black community and one of the greatest sources should be the black male. Our influence should be the top of the food chain. Black men are seen by their younger counterparts and are influenced. Why not show them all the positive necessities necessary for them through the rain of life? Be the model that a young black child needs growing up especially a child growing up less fortunate. Be a father to the child you created, dad is just a word, and this could be said in either way. What good is any success if you cannot pass it down to your own? What good is life as a so called man if you cannot stand honorable and loved amongst others? Retrieve the integrity, redemption is relevant.

Black women never “wanted” the role of head of the family; we were forced there because so many black men refused to take the reigns. No black woman truly wants to run the roost, she does it because she has to. She does it because he is not there to do so. And the independent attitude comes as a RESULT of the black men level of disrespect for the black women for decades. Black men do not and never have held their women to the same esteem as other races of men have their women. Black men don’t now, and never have protected their women, revered their women, as other races of men have their women. After this was done so much, black women got the picture that hey, i can’t lay down here and cry, i gotta pick myself up, and i got kids to take care of.

Their are so many singles female head of household families not because the woman refuses to submit to the authority of the black men, but because black women refuse to let the abuse of their minds, bodies, and spirits to be abused by black men. I’ve heard this argument before, and it’s usually from women who either are a part of, or close associate of the islamic culture. Black men somehow convince these women that they are the cause of the breakdown of the black family, even though for years, black men have revered white woman and think they are better, stepped out on black women making multiple babies outside of the marriage, some having whole families on the same block, refused to see our value, and refused to recognize our strength. It’s insane to think black women want to be single mothers, that we would rather be unmarried in order to avoid being submissive, that our thinking is so independent that we could never come together for the sake of family.

Most black women bend over backwards for their men, and even though they know their men are cheating and lying, they internalize it as their fault, and when he leaves, it’s their fault too. Most black women refused for years to date outside their race (thank god we finally wised up and dating outside our race), hoping and praying that black men would see their beauty and value. Most black women would lie in the faces of their parents, employers and best friends to save the reputation of their black man, even though they know he doing them wrong; they’d rather shoulder the hurt, pain, and dissappointment alone in the dark by themselves. And why, all for the sake of the love and respect of a black man. And what’s the payback for this loyalty? Black men in record numbers have deliberately sought out to make families with white women, they have abandoned their black female spouses and children because they simply don’t want to shoulder the responsibilities of fatherhood and being the head, especially when times get hard; they refuse to curtail their infidelity and continue to run all up and around town with the next willing female no matter her race, and they refuse to put us on that pedestal. Simply put, we are not, and never have been revered and truly valued by the black men, even going back to slavery days when we were sleeping with the white man so he wouldn’t hang or sell our children and men.

Black men have never wanted to admit their fault in the breakdown of the black family. They never thought black women would be strong enough to truly be independent because they knew, even along time ago, that black women are the least revered in society. They knew that black men were more “valued” then black women. Women as a whole were thought to be less valuable than men, and don’t have the nerve to be a black woman (you basically had no value, except being a sex object, breast feeder, or field worker). Black men never thought women would rise to the challenge of being a single independent mother, raise families by themselves, get a college education, and do it all by looking fierce as hell. For so many black men, this is threatening and they see it as usurping their authority.

The tables flipped and now they don’t know how to get back what they lost…oh well, we’ll leave that to them to figure out, since in my opinion, they are the ones that didn’t recognize a good thing when they had it.

If you are offended, maybe you want to take a look at yourself or those around you holla